The article is developed in partnership with BetterHelp.
When trying to help convince a friend, colleague, or family member to do something, it’s not uncommon to get caught up in trying to convince them to agree. However, when you’re working to persuade someone to hang out, take your advice, or make an adjustment, it’s important that persuasion doesn’t turn into negative pressure. Even if your mission starts out as a positive and friendly effort, leaning too hard into someone that isn’t convinced can quickly backfire. Persuasion has both positive and negative effects. To read more about persuasion, and how it can be used, take a look at some of the articles available here.
The Difference Between Persuasion & Pressure
One of the primary differences between persuasion and pressure is the outlook on the outcome. If you’re not going to accept a negative answer and continuously work against someone, your efforts can easily turn into pressure. Persuasion is about working toward a positive outcome while remaining understanding of hesitations or reservations and working toward open communication. Here are a few ways you can turn pressure into persuasion:
1. Focus On The Positives
When trying to persuade someone without adding pressure, it’s important to highlight the positive aspects of your proposal. Instead of belittling them or having a negative reaction when they disagree or decline, encouraging them with an improved outlook on the offer is more helpful.
Manipulating someone is withholding information and trying to entice someone to try something that may not be good for them, mentally or physically. This also includes putting them down for their hesitation or decision to decline. Pressuring someone by criticizing their choices and highlighting the negatives of the decision you weren’t hoping for could not only harm your relationship but could also negatively affect their mental health.
2. Ask Honest Questions
It’s important to establish that you’re working together as a team rather than building the discussion up as you versus them. By asking them questions about how they’re feeling, what they honestly think about the idea, and what could make them more comfortable, it establishes a connection between you. This not only shows them that you genuinely care about their response but it can also help you find ways to make the situation more enticing based on their needs, including their availability or budget.
When opening this two-way discussion, it’s important to show them you’re actively listening. This means you’re not just waiting for their response to be done so you can offer a rebuttal; instead, you need to seriously consider their position and follow up with information that contributes to both of your situations. Active listening reduces pressure by showing you’re trying to initiate a conversation rather than an intervention that’s only opening more opportunities for yourself.
3. Establish Boundaries
After you’ve discussed the subject, it may also be important to ask about their boundaries. It’s important to remember that no one is required to explain their limitations and boundaries to anyone, but knowing that a person has a set condition against whatever you’re discussing can help you to cut the conversation short. Asking about a friend or family member’s boundaries can not only improve your relationship but also shows them that you genuinely care about their well-being.
Remember that working to persuade someone is about encouraging them without making them uncomfortable. If you disrespect their boundaries or unknowingly cross a line, this can put pressure on them that may trigger a trauma response, increase anxiety, or leave them stressed. When encouraging someone to try something new or test their comfort levels, it’s important to openly communicate about what may push them too far; this way, you may be able to adjust the activity or work with them to establish some ground rules for an event.
4. Know When To Stop
If you’ve done your best to present your case, taken into account their hesitations, and heard their side of the story, it may be time to put the situation to rest. Regardless of your reasoning for debating the benefits with them, if someone has given a firm answer, it’s important to respect that decision. In many cases, it’s additionally important for your own mental health. For example, if you’re trying to persuade a friend to drop a habit that’s bad for their health and they’re steadfast in refusing your help, you’re only going to increase your stress over the subject if you continuously attempt to convince them otherwise.
When trying to convince someone to agree with you, it’s important to ensure you’re being respectful of the time you’re both spending on the conversation. Learning to accept the answer “no” shouldn’t necessarily be seen as a “defeat.” Instead, it’s important to appeal to their empathy, interests, or emotions to come to an agreement, even if this ends in agreeing to disagree. It’s important to remember that in order to maintain a healthy relationship, you should explain your point while still being accepting of their answer.
