The post is developed in partnership with BetterHelp.
There are many times when a parent may feel caught up in trying to make the right choice in terms of raising their children “the best way.” After all, there’s no definitive guide on how to parent right after leaving the hospital with a newborn (and even if there was, when would you really have time to read it?). Learning how to grow and develop as a healthy family can be a complicated process, affected by everything from your social status to personal traumas each parent may still be trying to work through. As such, when it comes to learning how to parent, there are a lot of different suggestions, tips, and trends to sift through.
“Gentle parenting” isn’t necessarily a new concept, but social media and easily accessible research have helped bring it to the forefront of parenting guides in the last few years. This type of parental guidance is defined by choosing to use empathy and understanding when communicating with a child as well as teaching them boundaries and limitations at a young age. While some people may find this to be a “soft version” of parenting, this may be due to the lack of understanding of the practices and effort that goes into raising a child this way. In fact, there are many benefits that not only can improve the early development of a child but also their relationships, mental health, and communication abilities.
Gentle Parenting Benefits
Guidelines & Boundaries
Arguably one of the most important areas of gentle parenting is teaching your children guidelines and boundaries. This doesn’t just include enforcing rules and educating them on morals. This style of parenting focuses on communicating clearly and explaining the reason behind limitations. Avoiding phrases like “because I said so” or “you’ll understand when you’re older” can give them the groundwork to establish their own rules and boundaries in their life. You can read more about different parenting styles here.
Providing clear reasoning for your rules and limits gives children a consistent structure necessary for becoming successful adults. It helps them learn how to articulate their own needs and boundaries to others as they grow older. When children learn the importance of providing clear communication, it helps strengthen their ability to convey their emotions, talk through frustrations, and listen to the needs of others in return.
Encouragement
It’s important to address a common concern: the fact that toddlers and young children may not fully understand the explanations you’re giving them. This can be frustrating to parents, especially when you have to repeat yourself; that’s most often why parents resort to “because I said so.” However, remember that any lesson is best learned with repetition. You don’t give up on teaching them colors, numbers, and their ABCs just because they don’t understand at first. Instead, it’s important to repeat yourself, find a way to give them examples they may understand, and use teachable moments as guidelines.
By beginning this routine of empathy and understanding when they’re young, this development encourages their self-confidence and improves their self-worth. Working to help them through tantrums or fits is a form of active listening that gives them a safe and comfortable environment to express themselves. Try the following phrases when trying to motivate a child to talk through an outburst:
- “I’m here to help, can you tell me what has upset you?”
- “I understand if you feel like you need to cry. I can wait for you to calm down to talk about it.”
- “I can’t understand what you’re trying to tell me. Take some deep breaths and try again in a moment.”
- “I want to listen to you, let’s work together.”
Role Models
Gentle parenting provides a positive role model for a child to imitate. Have you ever heard the phrase “children are sponges”? It means that they absorb the information and reactions around them in order to better understand how they should behave. One of the primary goals of gentle parenting is to encourage children to be open-minded and communicate their needs while being considerate of others. Acting this way toward a child first gives them the groundwork to build positive relationships with others.
This form of parenting can also influence a child’s inner voice. What adults say to a child and how they react to accomplishments or mistakes significantly impacts how the child sees themselves. With encouragement, positive reinforcement, and communication, a child is more likely to develop a positive self-image. This doesn’t necessarily mean avoiding punishment or consequences; instead, gentle parenting encourages explaining negative consequences and expressing the impact of a child’s actions.
Practice Gentle Parenting
Gentle parenting isn’t about allowing your child to scream their head off in the middle of a grocery store. However, especially for new parents, it can feel overwhelming to try to openly communicate and reason with an infant or toddler because of their inability to regulate their emotions. When practicing gentle parenting, it’s important to recognize early on that it’s not about how you teach your child to react but rather how you react to your child.
For example, if your toddler has difficulty sleeping through the night or your baby has thrown a toy across the room for the fifth time, you need to be the one that has control over your frustrations. As a child without the ability to yet understand right from wrong, they pick up their social cues from you. Practicing self-control and maintaining a level-head can be difficult for adults – so imagine how hard it is for a young person that doesn’t even comprehend what they’re feeling! It’s important to remember that you’re a child’s mirror for how they should react in situations; consider how your reactions and emotions in difficult situations can impact their situation.
Parenting is a difficult and complicated process. As such, there will be times when things go wrong and when you miss the mark. Just as you should be understanding with a child, you should also be understanding with them. To some people, it may feel silly to apologize and explain your reactions to a younger child; however, because this is also an important skill for them to learn, it’s a necessary step to teach your child how to respectfully apologize and sincerely express themselves. Take your time when learning about new parenting styles, talk to your friends and family members about your frustrations and struggles, and seek counseling when you’re feeling overwhelmed. Just remember that trying your best is the first step to accomplishing a positive outcome, including raising a child.
